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Tuesday, November 09, 2004


I'M TICKLED RED: ONE WEEK LATER, IT STILL FEELS GREAT 

Euphoric. Happy. Ecstatic. Those are my feelings over the election. Shall I continue?


Admit it, you love it!

The election was a week ago and President Bush's victory still feels great. I want to get that off my chest. I am happy. I am happy the president was reelected and I am happy that the Republicans increased their advantages in the House and Senate. All of my favorite sports teams can lose every game they play and I won't care. I can fall down the stairs, break my leg, knock out my teeth and I'll still be happy. Do you think I'm kidding? I'm serious.

For all the talk in the media about depressed Democrats there has to be an equal number of delirious Republicans like me who have been walking around for the last 7 days with a big smile. There's a lot of talk about secession, electronic vote fraud, stupid hicks, dumb conservatives, gullible religious fanatics, melancholy hippies and sickened pollsters. I prefer to talk about a great president, smart voters and a country that is in good hands with a secure future.

George W. Bush is my president. I have admired him more and more since his heroic leadership helped us get through 9/11. I saw him make politically tough decisions in order to bring down 2 evil regimes. I saw President Bush take all the slings and arrows hurled toward his way as he was attacked relentlessly by foreign foes, supposedly foreign allies, the media and Democrats. I watched as he soldiered on undaunted by intimidation and displayed courage under fire.

The crucible that was the 2004 election made Bush's victory all the more sweet. Democrats complain that they no longer believe in democracy simply because their candidate lost. They already poisoned the nation's discourse by claiming that their opponent "stole" the election in 2000. They further poisoned the well of democracy by threatening to leave the country or act is if the world is coming to an end. The most important time to reaffirm your faith in democracy is when you lose - the will of the people is what our national framework is all about.

If you are upset about the election, I am sorry. Losing is never easy. However, feeling sorry for yourself is not the answer. Complaining, blaming and attacking the winning side won't help your cause. One day your side will win, I know that. You can attack, slime, lie and insult all you want but you're not going to wipe the big grin off my face.

Today, I am happy. Giddy, joyous, satisfied, emboldened. Allow me to smile. Allow me to chuckle. I voted for President George W. Bush and so did 60 million of my fellow citizens. He won, we won, the whole country won. I'm proud of my president and my fellow Americans. Not bad, not bad at all!


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HEY, DEMOCRATS: PLEASE NOMINATE THIS WOMAN IN 2008 

Hillary's plan is falling into place... So is ours

Why is this Democrat smiling?

Hillary Clinton was the happiest Democrat on election night, last week. She has spent the past week basking in the warm glow of speculation that she'll be coronated as the Democrats' nominee in 2008.

Keep dreaming, Hillary. You are a worthy opponent. You are definitely one nasty campaigner - how could anyone forget when you accused George "41" Bush during the 1992 campaign of having an extra-marital affair? To this day you are the only presidential candidate/spouse to make such an accusation.

In the past you have denigrated housewives while embracing anti-American Hollywood celebrities. You used to mock Republicans for talking about "family values" before adopting the term as your pet project. You are emblematic of why Americans turned out in droves to vote for George W. Bush.

John Kerry was not the choice of liberals to be president, they just wanted Bush out of office. President Bush will not be on the 2008 ticket and liberals will certainly feel an affinity towards Hillary and will enthusiastically support her. Even though Bush won't be on the ticket, Hillary will act like she's running against him. She will have to satisfy her liberal base who will be hungry for victory and expecting red-meat on the campaign trail.

Hillary desperately wants to tack towards the center and make America think that she's a centrist. She is an avowed, believing liberal (unlike her chameleon husband). An effective Republican campaign will make sure that Hillary will have a tough time hewing to both the liberal and moderate views of what America should be.

Good luck, Hillary. I look forward to congratulating you when you get the Democratic nomination. Too bad for you that there are 31 Red States (and some apprehensive, teetering Blue States) ready to block you from entering the White House.


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I WONDER: HOW'S IT GONNA BE? 

Things that make you go hmmm... 21 Questions for the upcoming year(s) in politics



1) How many times are the networks going to show Senator Kerry's face for a reaction shot when President Bush gives his State of the Union address?

2) How many times have you seen Kerry shown at a State of the Union before?

3) I'm guessing, zero?

4) When does a losing presidential candidate lose Secret Service protection?

5) Is it weird when the Secret Service just drive away from your house for the last time? Is it weirder that you now have to be responsible for finding your hairbrush?

6) Does Edwards have to train for chasing ambulances like the way a runner trains for a marathon?

7) Did Bill and Hillary give each other a high-five on election night, or what?

8) I wonder if Bill had to stifle his laughter when he called John Kerry to give him campaign advice?

9) "I don't want to get Daschled." How many times have Sens. Max Baucus (Montana) and Kent Conrad (North Dakota) told that to their staffs in the last week?

10) Mondale, Dukakis, and Gore invited Kerry into their exclusive club. Is it true that all 4 of them ran for club president and lost?

11) How come Kerry never mentioned Israel in his convention speech? Why did he call Arafat a statesman? Where did he think he was, France?

12) The Democrats think the White House stole the election. Is it true that they are going to serve Barney with a subpoena?


Part of the vast right-paw conspiracy?


13) Howard Dean wants to be the DNC chair. How great is that?

14) Have you adjusted your tv's volume now that Terry "I Shout When I'm Lying" McAuliffe has been laughed out of D.C.?

15) How much tapping and dancing is Hillary going to do when she runs for re-election to the Senate in 2006?

16) Did you hear that Dick Cheney's cute, boyish charm helped President Bush get the womens vote?

17) Does the New York Times know that the Red States actually have running water, indoor plumbing and electricity?

18) Are the Democrats going to learn their lesson from nominating a liberal senator from the Northeast in 2004 by nominating a liberal senator from the Northeast in 2008?

19) Why did I see Dan Rather buying a beat-up old typewriter at a Manhattan flea market?

20) Is Kerry going to get fat and grow a gross-out beard?

21) Has CNN called Ohio for Bush yet?


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