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Thursday, November 11, 2004


BREAKING NEWS: BOB DOLE WON THE 1996 ELECTION 

The Galvin Opinion uncovers wide-spread voter fraud: Dole really won!


President Dole should be wrapping up 8 years of a successful presidency, right now


The Galvin Opinion would like to thank MSNBC's Keith Olbermann. The network anchorman made it respectable to be a conspiracy theory spouting, paranoid rambling believer in that fraud in American presidential elections is a regular occurence. Olbermann's shocking discovery that Florida Republicans voted for Bush and that southerners rejected a candidate from Massachusetts has caused us to wonder what happened in previous presidential elections. Hysterical liberals can rejoice because now all past elections are suspect. We went back to 1996 and found some disturbing results; Bill Clinton didn't really win the 1996 election. John Kerry wasn't the first war hero to be robbed, Bob Dole had the Oval Office rug pulled right from under him.

"Jesusland" for Clinton? I Don't Think So
The 2004 election "results" have made many liberals realize that we are 2 separate countries and that the Red States comprise "Jesusland." Liberals point to anti-gay, Bible thumping, gun toting conservatives as the reason why Bush won.

Well, if you take the liberals at their word then they would have to agree that there is no way Bill Clinton won the Red States in 1996! But, somehow he claimed victory in many of those states.

Here are the states in "Jesusland" that Clinton supposedly won:
West Virginia, Florida, Kentucky, Tennessee, Ohio, Louisiana, Arkansas (stole the governorships too), Missouri, Iowa, Arizona and Nevada.

That is a whopping 11 Red States! There is no way Clinton won those states! Fraud! Cheat! Man, if we knew this back in 1996 we would have moved to France.

Liberals are so disgusted with Red States that they wouldn't even want to win those states much less receive their votes. Bill Clinton certainly does not embody the "moral values" of those evolution-deniers so how could he have claimed their support?

1996 Swing States
Upon further inspection, the 1996 returns are even more disturbing. Bill Clinton won some states by a whisker that would make a Republican electronic voting machine manipulator blush.

Clinton "won"
Kentucky by 0.96%, 45.84%-44.88%
Nevada by 1.02%, 43.93%-42.91%
Arizona by 2.22%, 46.52%-44.29%
Tennessee by 2.41%, 48.00%-45.59%

Get Ralph Nader on the phone, those numbers don't make any sense. The past week has been dominated by Cry Babies, it's our turn to make a mockery of ourselves!

Leave it to Glenn Reynolds to ruin our nascent struggle in making sure that Bob Dole gets a proper retroactive swearing-in ceremony and inauguration. Lump me in with the pathetic losers who have nothing better to do than invite ridicule, laughter and scoffing skepticism.

I don't care what detractors say. I'm so upset about the results of one election that I have lost all proper perspective, sanity and common sense. I only believe in democracy when my candidate wins and I sure as heck am not ready to concded the 1996 election to Bill Clinton. Bob Dole, you will be avenged!


Yahoo News: Nader calls for US election recounts

Washington Post: Latest Conspiracy Theory -- Kerry Won -- Hits the Ether

Washington Times: Driving the blues from Jesusland


Update: Other opinions on polls, exit polls, elecions and blogs: Mark Kilmer, JC Media Watch, Command Post, Daily Pundit, SISU, John Hudock, Winds of Change, Outside the Beltway, Wizbang, Q and O, LaShawn Barber, Secession, Blogs for Bush, and Pejman.

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