Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Tonight, President Bush delivers the State of the Union. Several powerful, famous and infamous people have told The Galvin Opinion what they will be doing during the address.
Q: What will you be doing during the State of the Union speech?
"I will not be attending the speech. I don't want to hear President Bush discuss topics like Iraq, social security and terrorism because those are all issues that the Clinton White House ignored. Actually, seeing George W. Bush behind that podium could make me faint.
"I will miss the speech because I'm too busy trying to make the Democrats the 21st century version of the Whig Party."
George Pataki: "I will be watching the speech! I won't miss it for anything and I've even invited close friends from New Hampshire and Iowa to watch it with me. Things are all set. We'll have our "personal valet" (funded by the state Republican party, of course) drive down to Manhattan fetch us some sushi from Nobu.
"I want to reassure my San Francisco constituents that even though they'll see my Frozen Perma-Smile, I'll definitely be crying on the inside."
"I haven't watched a State of the Union since Barry Bonds told me that Bush corked his 2002 speech."
Arnold Schwarzenegger: "This is great! I told Mah-ria that when all 3 branches of the federal government are in one room at the same time, I'll sneak in and change the constitution when nobody's looking. Arnold for President in 2008!
Bill Clinton: "Has any two-term president been made to look like more of a chump by his immediate successor than how I've been made out to look since Bush became president? The only terrorist that I ever caught was Elian Gonzalez."
John Kerry: "Going to the inauguration was a mistake. That was too painful. Therefore, I don't want to attend the State of the Union. I'll be doing something less painful tonight - receiving botox injections at Teresa's Georgetown home."
John Edwards: "Don't talk to me unless you tripped and fell on a sidewalk or got hit by a police car. By the way, our conversation will now cost you $500."
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi:
"The Arab street has spoken. The elections were a success. I'm so depressed. If I watch the speech, I'll be reminded how President Bush has defeated us terrorists, once again. If you need me, I'll be playing with my G.I. Joe dolls."