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Thursday, March 02, 2006


FEMA MEMO: HURRICANE KATRINA DETERMINED TO STRIKE NEW ORLEANS 

The Galvin Opinion has discovered a disturbing fact: The White House already knew hurricanes were dangerous before Katrina hit the Gulf Coast



To: The President of the United States
Fr: Michael Brown, FEMA Director
Re: Katrina, Earth, Wind and Fire

Dear Mr. President:

Despite the fact that the media is already making dire predictions about Hurricane Katrina, I feel that it is my duty to write you a secret memo which echoes the prognostications of Geraldo Rivera, Anderson Cooper and Katie Couric.

I. FEDERALISM, SHMEDERALISM
I know that you have your hands full with the War on Terror. My FEMA staff understands that the mayor of New Orleans and the governor of Louisiana are the eyes and ears of disaster preparedness but we really need you to micromanage this thing. What you have to do is roll up your sleeves, leave Dick Cheney in charge of the White House, get down here and set up in Baton Rouge.

The basic framework of representative democracy dissolves once a hurricane appears on the horizon. Katrina is determined to strike New Orleans and you have to do everything in your power as president (yes, you have inherent authority) to prevent this speeding hurricane from coming ashore. Now, you will say that 2004 was a good indication of how states and local authorities deal with hurricanes vis a vis the 3 in a row that slammed Florida - however, your brother won't be here to spot you as you do the heavylifting.

II. FORESIGHT IS 20/20
Now, FEMA predicts that its prediction of Hurricane Katrina skirting New Orleans and landing a direct hit on Biloxi and Gulfport will be way off base. Every news channel is talking about how New Orleans rests in a "bowl." Heck, even my Arabian showhorse stable boys know about it. So, at the risk of sounding as redundant as a Jon Stewart joke, New Orleans rests in a bowl!

III. COMPASSIONATE HOSTILE TAKEOVER
Compassionate conservatism gets a bad rap. For example, when you invaded Iraq some people said you were not compassionate enough because you had too many troops while others said you were not compassionate enough because you placed too few troops in Iraq. The rest all complained that you were a conservative. Same goes here. If you order troops in order to save New Orleans residents from being swept away you will not be considered to be compassionate or conservative or trustworthy. Plus, you're going to find out the lack of bright lights that are running the Crescent City - Mayor Nagin is no Giuliani and Governor Blanco is no Huey Long. However, if you decide to wait for the mayor of New Orleans to have a meltdown during a live radio interview and the governor to start whimpering like a confused contestant on "Survivor" you will be considered to be aloof or incompetent or anti-New Orleanite. I think the odds of the latter scenario are so unlikely (consider it my Arabian Show Horse-sense) that I think you should choose the latter option.

IV. THE MEDIA
Face it, they're going to blame you in a major way no matter what, so you might as well ride it out. In their opinion, the worst thing you've ever done was win re-election - that's why you've been hammered week after week since the inauguration. Broken palm trees, blown-off roofs, flooded cars, damaged traffic lights, holes in the Superdome, breached levees will all be your fault. Right now, you are the mayor, governor, president, policeman, fireman, Coast Guard, nurse, Army engineer all rolled into one.

V. CONCLUSION
I've been looking over our options. Let me suggest that we hire the UAE to take over New Orleans and put Harriet Miers in charge of the operations - she's on to something big, I can feel lit. We're going to do a heck of a job making sure that this hurricane doesn't strike. A hurricane only has to succeed once while we have to succeed every time.

Washington Post flips out for news that was OLD before the hurricane struck.

Other blogs: PoliBlog, , , , , , , , , QO, Ace of Spades, Blogs for Bush, Outside the Beltway, Wizbang, and Captains Quarters.

Update: Wizbang has also uncovered the fact that the AP writer on this "story", Margaret Ebrahim, was once a producer at CBS News’ 60 Minutes II during Rathergate

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